Sep 06, 2016 What to Say (and Not to) in a First Online Dating Message. Some people using online dating sites may not look at their messages that often or may have found someone and left the dating site. Online dating sites what show you how long ago the person was logged in. Instead, move on and find another great person to write to. Online the first messages are so hard to write. I met my husband on March. The first one was dating a copy and paste of his profile bio write I thought he was just sending email mass messages.

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• What to Say (and Not to) in a First Online Dating Message. Some people using online dating sites may not look at their messages that often or may have found someone and left the dating site.

Making a good first impression.

Posted September 6, 2016 Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

You’ve found a dating site you want to use, and you’ve created a profile, complete with your most flattering photos. The next stage is either to sit and wait to be contacted by a potential date, or to look through the site and proactively start sending messages to potential dates yourself.

Surely, one of the things any online dater would want to know is what type of first contact message is most likely to draw a positive response. Should it be humorous, should it be factual, or should you just introduce yourself? Further, exactly how much should you say about yourself in this message?

The Common-Sense Approach

Here are three tips that may increase your chances of a reply to your first contact message:

1. Pay some attention to what the recipient has said in their profile description to show that you have actually taken an interest in them. Don’t just send generic messages. Sites such as Match.com allow users to respond by giving 'winks,' although this type of communication may also be perceived as low-effort or generic.
2. Don’t just make a statement in your message; ask a question. Asking a question allows someone to respond, which is more difficult with a statement. And use the recipient’s name—it’s friendlier.
3. Be honest about yourself. We know that it is easy to establish a degree of rapport by saying you have similar interests to someone else, but there is really no point saying that you share an interest in collecting strange bookmarks if this is not really an interest of yours.

What the Research Says

A study conducted by Schöndienst and Dang-Xuan (2011) examined which style of first contact message was most likely to receive a reply. The researchers carried out an ambitious analysis of 167,276 first-contact messages sent by 3,657 users. The results suggest that the likelihood of a first message receiving a response depends on several factors:

• Lower use of the personal pronoun I.
• Lower use of leisure words such as movie.
• More frequent use of the word you.
• More frequent use of words such as relationship and helpful.

Surprisingly, they did not find that using negative words (presumably those such as dislike, can’t, or disinterested) has an adverse effect on responding.

Should You Play it Cool?

If you are the recipient of a first-contact message on a dating site, is it better to play it cool and not show too much initial interest, and make the message sender wait a while for a reply? Contrary to what we might think, it has been demonstrated that eager replies are not perceived as a turn-off. Rather, the faster the reply to a message, the more likely it is that communication will continue (Fiore, Taylor, Xhong, Mendelsohn, and Cheshire, 2010).

Who Makes First Contact?

Are there gender differences in who is more likely to make first contact? In their study, Hitsch, Hortacsu and Ariely (2010) found that:

• Males viewed more than three times more dating profiles than females;
• Males were more likely to make contact with a female after viewing her profile, compared to females making contact with males after viewing male profiles;
• On average, males sent more than three times more first contact messages than females.

When it comes to responding, Fiore et al (2010) found that males replied to more first-contact messages than females (26 percent compared to 16 percent).

These gender differences may be accounted for in terms of error management theory(Haselton and Buss, 2000). This theory suggests that because of the relative risks that reproduction poses to males and females, males tend to overestimate female sexual interest (known as an overperception bias). Because reproduction poses a greater risk to females, they have evolved to be more cautious and judicious during interactions with males.

Other Factors Influencing First Contact

Hitsch and colleagues (2010) also found that:

• Both males and females tend to make contact with potential dates who are similar to themselves in terms of religion, race, political persuasion, educational level, relationship status, and whether they have children or not.
• Both males and females were more likely to contact potential dates who stated that they had a higher income and those who had been rated as physically attractive by independent judges.

Further, despite the fact that those using online dating reported that they do not necessarily pursue the most attractive partners, Hitsch and colleagues (2010) noted that online daters pursue people who they find to be most desirable, rather than those who match them in terms of attractiveness. In other words, those using online dating attempt to find the best and most attractive date they can instead of looking for someone similar to themselves in terms of attractiveness.

Etiquette and Failure to Receive a Response

In face-to-face communication, if we ask someone a question and are ignored, we'd consider such behavior to be rude. However, in the online dating world, it is not uncommon for messages to go unanswered and ignored, and such behavior is not normally considered to be offensive. One possible reason for this is the degree of online disinhibition (Suler, 2004) users experience in an environment in which they feel relatively anonymous. Even relatively impersonal responses such as simply saying 'no, thank you,' with no explanation are considered acceptable.

Dating Site First Message Example

Some people using online dating sites may not look at their messages that often or may have found someone and left the dating site altogether, even though their profile is still present. Each of these things may account for their failure to reply. Given this, and the normal etiquette of online interaction, if you don’t receive a response to a first message, keep trying with others.

Visit my website.

References

Fiore, A. T., Taylor, L. S., Zhong, X., Mendelsohn, G. A., and Cheshire, C. (2010). Who’s right and who writes: People, profiles, contacts, and replies in online dating. Retrieved from http://www.computer.org/csdl/proceedings/hicss/2010/3869/00/index.html.

Hasselton, M. G. & Buss, D. M. (2000) Error management theory: A new perspective on biases in cross-sex mind reading. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(1), 81-91.

Hitsch, G. J., Hortaçsu, A., & Ariely, D. (2010). What makes you click? Mate preferences in online dating. Quantitative Marketing and Economics, 8, 393–427.

Schöndienst, V., and Dang-Xuan, L. (2011). The role of linguistic properties in online dating communication—A large-scale study of contact initiation messages. Proceedings of the 15th Pacific Asia Conference on Information Systems, Paper 166, Brisbane, Australia

Suler, J. (2004). The online disinhibition effect. Cyberpsychology and Behaviour, 7 (3), 321-326.

Dating message tips: you might not think you need them, but then… you filled out your online dating profile. You took the perfect profile pictures. You searched for potential matches and even found some that caught your eye. But that was just the beginning, the question remains… What should you say to them?

Composing a message is one of the hardest parts of online dating. Should you pay them a compliment, or is that too forward? Should you use a pick-up line, or keep it simple? You want to catch their eye and stand out, but you don’t want it to seem like you’re trying too hard. Well, fear not, because we can help. Here are some online dating message tips to help you write something that has a high chance of getting a response…

What To Say In An Email On A Dating Site Today

Dating Message Tips from the Experts

1. Start with “hi,” but give it a spin.
When you meet somebody in real life, chances are you do two things: say hello and tell them your name. So why not employ the same greeting tactic online? Saying hi and introducing yourself is polite, easy, and effective—and you’d be surprised by how few people actually do it in their online dating messages. But instead of just saying “hi,” “hey,” or “hello” like everybody else does, make things interesting.

Examples:
-How’s it going? I’m Elizabeth.
-Fancy meeting you here. I’m Elizabeth.
-Hola, bonjour, ciao, guten tag, hello. I’m Elizabeth.
-Come here often? I’m Elizabeth.
-Oh, hey, I didn’t see you there. I’m Elizabeth.

2. Comment on their profile.
Commenting on someone’s online dating profile shows that you actually read it and that you’re a good listener. When you meet a new person online, it can be tempting to compliment their looks. And while physical compliments are nice, they can sometimes be, well, empty. Most people would rather receive a compliment about something they wrote in their profile. Bonus points if you add a little information about yourself. It keeps the conversation going and gives them something to respond to.

Examples:
-I see that you like to cook. I’m trying to be better at cooking myself. I made a great vegetarian lasagna a few nights ago.
-I like that you’re into sports. My favorite is baseball. I’m a lifelong Yankees fan.
-Your dog is very cute. I’m a dog person too. I have an Australian Cattle Dog named Wülf.
-I have some friends who went to Cornell. I wonder if we have any friends in common.
-I enjoy going to museums too. I enjoyed the Stephen Shore exhibit at the MoMA.

3. Ask a question.
Asking questions is one of the most important dating message tips we can give. One of the best ways to start a conversation is by asking a question. Again, it gives them something to respond to. Even better if this can also relate to something they wrote in their profile.

What To Text Online Dating

Examples:

What To Say In An Email On A Dating Site Called

-What’s your favorite dish to cook?
-Where were your profile pictures taken?
-What’s it like being a surgeon?
-Have you read any good books lately?
-What’s your favorite hidden gem in your neighborhood?

4. Cut to the chase.
Be honest and say what you feel. That doesn’t mean you have to be overly forward or aggressive; it means that if you’re interested in somebody, it’s ok to be clear about it. After all, isn’t that what you signed up for when you joined an online dating site?

Examples:

-Your profile made me smile.
-I’d like to get to know you better.
-Based on your profile, I think we’d hit it off.
-I’m interested in learning more about you.
-I think we make a great pair.

5. Suggest meeting for a date.
Is it bold? Yes. Is it risky? Maybe. Is it effective? You bet. One of the biggest complaints about online dating is that people spend too much time messaging and not enough time actually dating. It’s gutsy to ask someone out right away, but it sends the message that you’re serious about your level of interest. Be bold! And have a plan. Are you free? doesn’t give someone much to respond to. But Are you free for coffee on Thursday? does.

What To Say In An Email On A Dating Site Crossword Clue

Examples:

-I’d like to meet for a drink sometime if you’re interested.
-Are you free for a date soon?
-Let’s grab coffee sometime next week.
-Want to have dinner on Tuesday?
-Let me know if you want to go for a walk in Central Park.

There you have it: some examples for constructing the perfect online dating message. Hopefully someo of these dating message tips will help you bag that next date. Remember to leep it short, simple, and polite, and you’ll be getting replies in no time.

What To Say In An Email On A Dating Site Definition

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