A Little About Yourself In A Dating Site
Congratulations! You’ve got yourself a date. Your look is on lock. You’re ready with a thoughtful take on your favorite movie (Tommy Boy), and a working knowledge of how to navigate a wine list.
Now, do you know how talk about yourself on a date?
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How you talk about yourself on a date in the early stages says a lot—and I don’t mean just the answers themselves (you’re from Indiana originally, and went to school in Colarado, yada yada).
Because what you say and how you say it is about more than just the facts. While she’s listening, she’ll be doing some her own mental calculations, trying to figure out, “Who is this person and are we a fit?” And knowing that can be kind of nerve-wracking, right?!
So, what should you say on a date? And how to respond to that dreaded question, “Tell me about yourself”?
Well, the short answer is, of course, be yourself! Share with them the things you’re interested in, and give them a peek at your world.
But I get it. Learning how to talk about yourself on dates can feel tricky. You want to be yourself in a way that’s engaging (so you net yourself a second date!) without trying too hard.
Being authentic while also putting your best foot forward on a date isn’t always easy.
But you can do it! Ultimately, a woman wants to know you like yourself and the life you’ve created. Otherwise, why would she stick around to be a part of it?
Keep scrolling to learn how to respond to “Tell me about yourself” on a date:
How to talk about yourself on a date Tip #1
Pivot to the positive
On an early date, you’re both thinking: Is this someone I want to be around all the time? You don’t have to be constantly sunny and cheerful, of course, but it makes sense to project enthusiasm, rather than negativity.
For instance, one of the first things people talk about on dates is their jobs. So when a woman asks, “What do you do?” for the love of god, don’t answer with something womp womp-y like, “Are you ready for a nap?”
Ha ha ha, oh your career, the thing you spend a majority of your waking hours is so dull you feel compelled to warn a listener they’ll literally become catatonic if you talk about it? That’s so fun and sexy!
Wait, no. That is the opposite of sexy.
Should it really come as a surprise that if you find your own job to be stupidly boring, she’s going to wonder what that says about you?
Especially if she loves her job, or at the very least, doesn’t openly sh*t on it to someone she barely knows, then this date probably isn’t going to be followed with another.
After all, who wants to be around someone who thinks how they spend a majority of each waking day is a total snooze…and isn’t doing anything to change that?
It’s not that you’re trying to sell yourself on a date, but you do want to engage your conversation partner, and that’s easier when you pivot to the positive.
Here’s what to do instead.
Replace this:
“I’m an actuary. It’s boring. I look at spreadsheets all day. Haha, but enough about me.”
With this:
“I calculate risk – it’s kind of like being a professional gambler, though my boss still won’t let me wear sunglasses in meetings. I know. We actually have these crazy statistical models that we use where we game out when and how people are going to die…”
How much more do you want to hang out with the second person? Personally, I would have so many questions about that crazy-morbid death model (namely, “Do you know when I’M going to die?!”).
Now, this doesn’t mean you should be fake.
What it means is that if you are the kind of person whose inclination is to always lead with the negative, you may want to do some soul-searching and reflect on why that is. It could be worth working on yourself to become the kind of person who leads with the positive! Maybe that’s through therapy, or journaling, or even some good old fashioned positive self talk in the mirror each morning.
There’s a huge difference between being humble (“I mean, I’m no hero just because I started a charity that teaches killer whales to read…”) and a bummer.
And look,if you think what you do is super-boring but also are totally fine with that, then say it and move on!
“My day job pays the bills, and it allows me to travel / volunteer / visit my family / whatever, which is great!”
And if you’re all, “But Megan, I should be able to be myself! If I hate my job/roommates/family, I should be able to say so.” And to that I say, totally. But there’s a difference between saying, “Yeah, my job/roommates/family is kind of the worst” and “My job is kind of the worst, and I’m looking for a new one. In the meantime, I’m finding a lot of happiness in my new puppy. Wanna see a picture?” See the difference?
Takeaway
Accentuate the positive in your life, and she’ll want to hear more about it.
How to talk about yourself on a date Tip #2
Aim for back-and-forth banter
Here’s a secret: when women start asking you a lot of questions on a date, it’s not because you are the most interesting man in the entire world.
Nope, it’s actually because us ladies are emotional masochists who turn bad dates into de facto interviews when the other person’s not bothering to ask anything of us.
Some people (ahem, a lot of guys) have a tendency not to notice a conversation’s turned lopsided because everyone likes talking about themselves, but it’s a fine line and one you need to tune in to notice. If she’s asking you a string of questions about Madden, motorcycles, MMA, whatever it is you have expressed enthusiasm for, you’re not having a conversation anymore. You’re having an interview.
And spoiler, you’re not getting the job.
Because: you answering her question, talking more, her asking another question, you talking more…is not a conversation. If you’re talking at her, it’s not fun for her, and you just don’t notice because she’s too polite to slam her hand on the table, and scream, “HEY! ASK ME A QUESTION.”
That’s not to say you shouldn’t talk about your passions. You should! It’s just that you should just also be curious about hers. After all, you want to know if you have commonalities that could drive a connection.
For instance, maybe she’s not training for a marathon like you are, but she is super-committed to fitness. Boom! Something in common. By asking questions back, you can find out more about your mutual interests and if you two are a fit.
Also, if you notice that you haven’t asked her a question in awhile, don’t simply ask her last question back to her. Keep pushing the conversation forward. If she just asked you your favorite book, you could ask her the best book-to-movie adaptation she saw this year. Or if she were to write a book, what would it be about? These kind of “Yes, and” questions show that you’re engaged and interested in the conversation. Much better than lazily lobbing her question back at her.
And look, I get it. Dates can be nerve-wracking and feel a bit like an interview to begin with. It can feel simpler just to answer her questions and talk about what’s interesting to you. Fight that urge, or she might be eyeing the exits before the check comes.
Takeaway
If you’re doing all the talking, it’s not because you’re SO fascinating. It’s because you’re being boring.
How to talk about yourself on a date Tip #3
Go slow with vulnerability
Depending on how much you wear your heart on your sleeve (when it’s women, it’s called “being emotional”), this may be easy or difficult for you. When you’re vibing on a date, you may find yourself wanting to tell her all your secrets, fears, and dreams. But especially when it’s early days, it’s best to keep your emotional vomit in check.
In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown wrote about the importance of embracing vulnerability. That being vulnerable makes us human, and even strong.
But!
She also talked about how some people use vulnerability as a defense mechanism, warding off intimacy by “floodlighting” others with their emotional baggage before the relationship has been built up with trust.
Here’s what Brown wrote:
“Sometimes we’re not even aware that we’re oversharing as armor. We can purge our vulnerability or our shame stories out of total desperation to be heard. We blurt out something that is causing us immense pain because we can’t bear the thought of holding it in for one more second. Our intentions may not be purging or blurting to armor ourselves or push others away, but that’s the exact outcome of our behaviors.“
Maybe you’ve been there. The other person gets that deer in headlights look, and you know you might have said too much, too soon.
Takeaway
Not to say you shouldn’t be honest, but maybe your first date isn’t the time to go all This Is Us on her with a serious sob story.
…
That’s not so hard, right? Stay positive. Be curious. Be patient.
Oh, and one more thing. You’ll feel your most comfortable and confident if you like what you’re wearing! ,= look handsome!
Below, check out a few great men’s outfits for a casual date:
Levi’s denim jacket Greats sneakers Warby Parker sunglasses
SG Says: Don’t be afraid of going denim on denim. Just be sure your jacket is a different wash than your jeans.
Would you rather wear a different light jacket? That’s cool, too. Check out our roundup of the best spring outerwear for guys.
sneakers: Vans belt: Hugo Boss
SG Says: A puffer vest is a great in-between option when it comes to layering. With slip-on sneaks and a pair of dark rinse denim, you’ll be ready for wherever the date takes you.
shirt jacket: Everlane dress pants: The Tie Bar
SG Says: Don’t be afraid of millennial pink. It looks great with the neutrals that are probably all in your closet, like navy and the military green of this cool overshirt.
sneakers: Converse 5-pocket pants: Todd Snyder
SG Says: Wear bone-white corduroy bottoms to show you are a grown man who isn’t afraid of spilling stuff on his pants.
Chelsea boots: Blundstone woven belt: Bonobos
SG Says: Yep, more denim on denim. With Chelsea boots and a cool woven belt, you’ll be ready for drinks, coffee, or anything in between.
cargo pants: L.L.Bean blazer: Bonobos boots: Thorogood
SG Says: This outfit is all kinds of interesting. You can absolutely pull off cargo pants in 2020, so long as you wear them in a slim silhouette, and pair them with something sophisticated, like this turtleneck and blazer combo.
Now that you know how to talk about yourself on a date, you’re definitely ready to tackle this fashion-forward outfit.
Stripe shirt: Armor Lux suit: Suitsupply sneakers: Golden Goose
SG Says: A high-low mix of your favorite year-round grey suit with a long-sleeve striped tee and your coolest sneakers might just be our favorite look on this list.
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Now you know how to talk about yourself on a date.
Here’s one more way SG can help with your love life!
Having a wardrobe that makes you feel like a million bucks does a lot for your confidence when it comes to dating.
If you’re ready to invest in some new clothes but dread the thought of shopping for them…why not let Team SG shop for you?
Let us rescue you from shopping fatigue and sartorial apathy! With our online personal shopping service, you can expect dedicated attention that’ll make you feel like the best, most stylish version of the awesome guy we know you already are.
We’ll also help you figure out how to wear your new clothes with the things you already own, for date night and beyond.
If you’re ready for a shopping plan that’ll save you time, energy, and your sanity, give us a shout.
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For those seeking assistance and guidance in creating a dating profile, here are some suggestions on how to describe yourself. Learn how to attract attention with interesting details, that are sure to keep those friend requests coming…
An online dating site is an interesting portal to meet new people, and join groups with like-minded individuals. It is an opportunity to dip your feet into the dating networking pool, meant for those interested in meeting singles online. Many people may have an apprehensive approach to this idea, that with weirdos stalking these dating websites. You need to know how to separate the genuine men/women that you can get to know, from those you need to keep a good distance from.
Examples to Describe Yourself on a Dating Site
With these tips for ‘describing yourself’ online, you’ll be prepared with a profile that is equally expressive and magnetic. Here’s how you can take on examples of writing a profile for online dating, and use it to your advantage. These are helpful dating profile examples, to aid you in figuring out a way to make it inviting.
Creatively Construct Your Headline
If the website you’ve signed into, has a headline option, that is; a single line that opens up at the top of the profile page, then here’s your chance to make it eye-catching. If men/women come across your profile, that is the first thing they will notice, besides your profile picture. It gets them interested and hooks them in. If it is lame or ordinary, people tend to skip the details given further in the profile.
Examples
Here are some eye-catchy examples:
- ‘I’m an open book; turn me one page at a time to unravel my story..’
- ‘I’m not desperate or lonely, just adventurous enough to date online..’
- ‘Beware: I may just be the most awesome person you’ll ever meet..’
- ‘I’m dangerously overloaded with intellect. I can make your mind swoon..’
- ‘Brawny and brainy..’
Be Honest/Genuine
An online dating profile speaks for who you are as a person, where those who come across it will take immediate notice. Men/women like it when someone is expressive, and open about his/her likes and interests. It makes things easier to figure out when someone seems upfront about details that you can also relate to.
Examples
Given below are examples for describing yourself for online dating, and basically being yourself.
- Include your real name and not a made up display name.
- Include your interests/hobbies/likes/dislikes.
- Describe yourself in a way that people see you/how you see yourself.
- Mention groups/activities you are a part of.
- Put up a picture of yourself, so people can trust what they see.
If someone has an empty profile that lacks anything interesting and comes off as secretive, it’s an obvious tip-off that he/she should be avoided. They look for ways to either have a dating profile online to check people out for fun, or to play around with them and lead them on. Be careful of who you entertain, and make sure you can read the signs if someone is being too pushy about revealing information that is still private to you. If someone is being too forceful about anything, read it as a sign that they need to be deleted from your list.
Avoid Personal Details and Include Important Information
When you trust the person enough to exchange numbers, then it is advisable to give them out. Also, when meeting for the first time, choose public locations for the first couple of weeks. Be honest about what kind of partner you’re looking for, and what preferences you’d like him/her to embody. In this way you can attract those who are of similar backgrounds, and can be assured that they will fit your criteria. Make sure you also have your age displayed, to avoid an age group that you aren’t comfortable with; do not lie about your age.
Update Your Profile Often
Many of us take our profiles for granted, with a lot of details changing over a period of months and even years. Keep information like ‘single’ or ‘dating’ updated, so that people know if you’re taken or still available and looking. Things like email addresses also should be changed if necessary. Some people have a bad habit of posting old pictures of themselves, often misguiding people on the web. Keep pictures updated, and even information of your whereabouts or any new-found details about yourself (avoid putting in work/home addresses and numbers for the sake of safety.
A Little About Yourself In A Dating Site
These online dating examples will help you in arranging a profile that is sure to bring in positive feedback, provided that you are true to yourself and willing to be upfront. Just be careful of who you interact with and how much you reveal in the beginning.